February 21, 2019
The beginning of a new relationship is all rose-colored and sparkly and magical, as each new facet you see of your lover gives you something new to adore about them. However, this sense of wonder at the newness of a relationship can only last so long. As you become more and more familiar with one another and begin to share responsibilities, children, stressors, and arguments, that spark starts to fade. Where did the magic in your marriage go?
You and your partner have built a powerful bond with each obstacle you have overcome together. When you can recognize this together, you can then start to work on reviving the lightheartedness, flirtation, and magical feelings you felt in the beginning. Even the lowest flame can be rekindled if you are willing to work together with your partner. Here, we’ll discuss our top tips to spark, feed, and sustain the magic in your marriage.
It’s a cliche, but a true one: the only constant in life is change. The person you are today is not the person you were five years ago, or even five months ago. The same is true for your partner. While we tend to change more slowly as we grow older, we never stop growing and evolving as individuals. As partners in love and life, you’ll do a lot of growing together over the years. If you look away for too long, you may find yourself growing in different directions.
It’s easy to lose track of the gradual changes that take place over long periods of time, especially when you’re so close to someone. Establishing and maintaining a clear line of communication about your goals, dreams, and expectations can help you understand the changes each of you are going through. Communicating your needs and desires will help you adapt to those changes by working together. It can also help you come to appreciate and love these new aspects of your partner, deepening your relationship and teaching you to love them even more completely every day.
Complimenting change, whether a new haircut or a new passion, is a wonderful way to let your partner know that you notice the difference and support them. Acknowledging your partner’s hard work and effort, whether at their job, at home, or in a passion project, is another way to show support and validate their work. Keeping abreast of changes in your relationship and adapting to those changes can help you and your partner continue to grow in the same direction.
Physical intimacy can wax and wane over the years, but the emotional bond you share with your spouse should remain open and close. That emotional intimacy helps cement your relationship together, and the closer your bond, the stronger that connection will be.
So, what does emotional intimacy look like? Simply put, it’s that feeling of being on the same team, in every sense. It’s that sense of knowing what your partner needs before they even have to ask. It goes beyond awareness of your partner’s needs, desires, and emotions — you feel these things as if they were yours. Your partner’s successes bring you joy, and their happiness is your happiness. When they hurt, you feel their pain with them.
Emotional intimacy runs deeper than physical intimacy because it requires you and your loved one to trust each other. Not just with your bodies, but with your deepest wishes, hopes, and fears. You can foster and maintain this intimacy by paying attention to your partner, noticing changes in their behavior day by day. If something is bothering them, how can you work together to address it? If they are worried, can you help soothe their fears? Trust each other enough to be open, and remember to listen to your partner without judgment.
You don’t have to visit exotic locales in faraway places to have adventures with your partner. It’s no secret that the same daily grind and boring routine can dull even the most passionate of sparks. Stepping out of your regular routine is good for your relationship. It allows both of you to take time off from your roles at work or as parents and just be yourselves with each other.
Maintain a level of spontaneity where possible. If it’s impossible, then schedule time to be spontaneous. Perhaps you and your spouse explore new restaurants together one night a week, or maybe take a class in something neither of you are familiar with (dancing, painting, pottery, even woodworking could be fun together). Perhaps you could pursue licenses in something like scuba diving or naturalism, or maybe take a weekend road trip. Whatever you do, as long as it’s different and you’re together, you’re doing perfectly. The memories you create together will help keep the magic in your marriage and remind you of why you love each other.
Keeping the magic in your marriage isn’t all about spicy lingerie and extravagant date nights. There are plenty of simple, affordable, and meaningful things you and your partner can do to keep the spark alive. Together, you can maintain emotional intimacy, grow and change together, and remain interested in one another. Practicing open communication and trying new things with your partner can help you see each other as the people you fell in love with, even through the haze of routine and hardships.